Wand of Horrible Deaths

Tonight I decided to make a random table magic item.  Its called the Wand of Horrible Death.  It has random effects.  It can also harm the wielder.  It has no loyalty.  It has no charges.  You will see in the description where its still good or not.  The GM will need to decide if saves are allowed, what the damage is and blah, blah, blah.  I just added the description of he affect.  I also thinks it critical NOT TO LET THE PLAYER SEE THE TABLE.  They're smucks.  They'll try to will a roll.  Let them find out by pointing and shooting. 

Roll	Result (d20)
1	A small dart flies out of the end of the wand and strikes and enters the target.  There is a 6-second delay, before the target blows the hell up.  The wand may be reused.
2	Nothing happens.  The target is immune to the wand’s power this combat.  The wand may be reused.
3	The wand shoots out of the wielder’s hand and wraps itself around the target.  Take the target’s Con divide it by half and that is how many rounds of life it has remaining.  The wand continues to constrict even after the target is dead until it constricts upon itself and vanishes from existence.
4	Since this is Ivy’s favorite number only good things happen when this is rolled.  The wand shoots out 3d6 delicious cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles.  While this will not kill the target it will distract them for 1d4 rounds.  The cupcakes are edible and while have no magical properties they will make the eater happy.  The wand will be reusable after the frosting is wiped off the tip.
5	A dark gray puff of smoke envelops the target.  There is a 25% chance the smoke will envelop the wielder also.  In 1d4 rounds the targets skin will begin to melt and slide away from muscle and bone.  Sleeves of skin will fall to the floor moments before rest of the body crumbles.
6	The want turns into a big ass lizard that is fast as hell.  It will target the victim and will bit the target.  On a natural 20 the lizard swallows the victim whole.  The lizard will continue its ravenous, berserker attack one the victim is dead and likely to snack of the wielder.  The wand is gone, it’s now a lizard.
7	The obvious.  A gout of flame envelopes the target and reduces all its self and all its belongings to ash.  So if it had something good, you’ll never know.  The caught on fire and is no longer useful
8	No apparent effect.  But in 1d4 weeks.  The target will become will with a series of diseases and die in a day.  The wand is still good.
9	A high pitch noise with sound from the wand affecting everyone with ears (including the caster).  It will increase its volume each round.  1d6 1st round, 2d6 2nd round and so on.  The wand is still good but the wielder is no longer any good except for filling a ditch or being used as a carrion air freshener.
10	Tiny sea monkeys leap out of the end of the wand, 1000/round for 1d4 rounds.  The sea monkeys will coat the target and climb in any available orifice and run around in the targets guts until the too many monkeys go in.  Then the target explodes.  The sea monkeys will not attack the wielder, they simply die and make a mess.
11	The wand becomes an infinite reach blade.  The player can attack the target as if it were in melee range with the wand.  The invisible blade doe 1d10 damage.  It a natural 20 is rolled the target gets a limb lopped off.  Wand is still good.
12	Wand launches out of the wielder’s hand and embeds into the target.  Six legs will sprout from the wands and it will begin clawing itself into the target.  The wand is no good after this.  It’s a weird wand spider the player can use as a pet.  It doesn’t poop or pee, but its nasty disposition remains.
13	Simple.  Wand explodes showering a 100 hex area with magic death rays.  The wand exploded so you figure it out if it’s still good.  You’ll be dead so it don’t matter much.
14	A blue bolt erupts from the tip instantly killing the target.  There is a 5% chance for each god in the campaigns pantheon to take notice that someone used a blue bolt and it wasn’t one of them.  If a god notices it will hunt down whoever wields the wand.
15	All the bodily fluids in the target solidify.  Wand is shiny good.
16	The target is instantly transported to the date and time and place where death takes him.  The wielder is also transported to that time and place.  This is a one way ticket baby.  At least the wand is still working.
17	The wand turns into a copy of the target and attacks.  It will know everything the target will do and gains +3 to hit and to damage.  After the battle is done is will kneel and commit suicide.  Your wand is now dead.
18	Demons will reach out of the ground and drag the target into hell, the abyss, Wal-Mart, where ever your campaign’s bad place is.  The wand has now become a beacon for demons.  If there are any in the area they will play the player a visit.
19	The targets eyes, ears, mouth, pucker and other bodily holes grow shut.  Wand remains working.
20	The player is given a limited wish.  That wish must be used immediately and it must be in the form of a death for the target.  If the wielder fails to do this the wand will grant the target the wish.  The wand loses all its power and is kindling.

That's all I got tonight.  Have a good one.  And don't pull out a wand unless you plan to use it.