Tuesday, October 16, 2012

10 Things You Might Hear in a Brothel

I make no apologizes for the following.  It will be puerile, but I hope at least entertaining.  If your the kinda person who likes farts or at least the jokes about them, continue.  If you think they are disgusting than move along.  Nothing to smell here.

1.  Did you memorize Cure Disease today?

2.  I got your rod of might right here. 

3.  Hmm, I'll take the ugo.  I only have a few copper.

4.  My boot is stuck to the floor!

5.  It's okay.  It happens to most adventurers after a level drain.

6.  I'd rather stick it into the green faced devil.

7.  Ohh yeah, I'd treat the right. *inside joke*

8.  I'm going to need something longer than a 50' rope if I go in there.

9.  Once you go half-orc you'll never go back.

10.  Hey Sir Humpsalot, you're on my hair. 

Please add any lewd comments if you so desire. 


  1. i worked in a horror theater restaurant for 5 years so this is all to easy for me

    11 It was like a bag of holding in there!

    12 Who would shave a bugbear and do that to it?

    13 Whats a robe of 7 veils?

    14 This ring will protect you from their draining powers, trust me!

    15 So that's where minotaurs come from

    16 Then the lights came on and she was a doppelganger banger

    17 Eat me you beast!

    18 Yeah but the girls there are just illusion spells

    19 She had the best smelling bead a dwarf maid ever had!

    20 Yeah I got some gelatinous cube slime in my hair and I had a date tonight

    21 So you pretended you were charmed for how long?

    22 Naa elves look like like they never hit puberty, makes me sick thinking about it

    23 So you want to do what with a wizard eye and a light spell?

    24 Imagine my surprise when she turned out to be a polymorphed troglodyte

    25 Centaur and hobbit show at next my bucks party guys!

  2. sorry should read

    19 She had the best smelling beard a dwarf maid ever had!

  3. Wow, you whipped out a fast list there Konsumterra.

  4. This post wins.

    Also, Konsumterra scares me. But in a good, going-to-Dracula's-in-Surfer's-Paradise kinda way.

  5. i whip it out fast cos im a slleze-stack from way back - not Draculas on gold coast but Nigh train horror theatre in Adelaide

  6. I like No2!! I hear it all the time!

  7. I just gotta know...what is a "horror theater restaurant", anyhow?

    Got any links? Because it sounds AWESOME.

  8. usually for functions - we seated 300+ - had a dungeon, costumed foul mouthed waiting staff and a stage show with choice of 4 main courses package deal - i shant repeat our character names here but my manager dressed as lorena bobbit - i got to whip and abuse everyone in the door, and paint stages and other crap too

  9. How about "We'll have to think of a new name for THAT type of polearm!"

  10. 26. "It is like a baby's arm holding an apple." From King Arthur

    27. Can someone check her for traps.

    28. I found a secret door.

    29. Is that your wand or are you happy to see me?

    30. Oh Mitra! Oh Mitra! Oh Mitra!

    31. 30sp cure potions are extra!

    32. Come My Lord and sheath your sword.

    33. I have never seen a two headed one before.

  11. @Justin




    The video doesn't entirely do it justice. When I lived in Australia, this was one of those things where I was like, "why the hell don't we have these in the US??"

    The folks that worked there were awesome. It was a top 5 experience from our time in Australia.

  12. Hehe, I'll play - "is that a 10 foot pole or are you just happy to see me?"

  13. 34. How's about bein' my little paladin and doin' a bit of layin' on of hands?

  14. 35. 8 nights in a row? You are our best customer. Right this way, Mr. Clinton. Oh wait, you already know the way.