Sunday Night Investigation

Sunday, November 25th, 2015 (9:25pm)

Subject went to Barnes & Nobles.  Stayed in the cafe the entire time.  Drank a drink that looked like a caramel landslide.

Did not get up to pee.

He worked on a antiquated laptop that wasn't connected to the internet.  Worked on something called Hamlet of Hounds Head.

Listened to a iPod and ignored everyone around him except for a brief exchange with the barista who was already making him drink before he ordered.

A red-head, I'm assuming it was his wife, sat beside him reading gluten free magazines.  Not sure what the hell gluten is.  Noted it, Google later.  She sipped on tea and at the end of the night ate from a jar.  I cannot even guess what it was.  Did not look good.

The subject began packing once the closing in 15 minutes was announced.

Followed the subject and his wife to Wegmans.  Again he set up in the cafe section there.  This time he set up his laptop along side a tablet and was using both at the same time.  However, when the Sunday Night football game came on any work he'd been doing came to a halt.

When his wife came to visit the subject finally went pee.

His Sunday night concluded with watching football until his wife returned with groceries.  They packed and left for home.

Conclusion: Subject is too boring to follow any further.  This investigation has been a complete waste of time.

Two T-Shirts Going into the Rotation

It's been a weird day.  A t-shirt day.  No one has given me clothes for millions of years.  Today I received two t-shirts.  The first is a Game of Thrones t-shirt, a couple who I let borrow my GoT discs and acquired an addiction.  The husband bought three t-shirts for him and his wife (I work with her) to wear during the premiere.  She asked who the 3rd shirt was for and he said it was for me.  I love out of the blue, geekery (sp?) gratitude.

Then at lunch I go the post office and there is a package from Zazzle (I think).  I got my LIZARDMAN GLADIATOR t-shirt.  I was like, are you fucking kidding me?  I nearly disrobed right there on federal property to put it on.  But decided I did not need to collect misdemeanor offenses.

After these are washed they are going into the rotation. 

UNDERDOG GLASS

I got another Underdog glass.  This makes me happy.  My mother was at an antique show and claimed this one for me.  Most know of my liking of sleestaks, but Underdog is right up there in my pantheon of childhood characters.  I had one glass I got years ago and now I have a second.  I'm thinking a Underdog glass section in the cupboard should be implemented. 

Calling All Map Makers

Hear ye!

Hear ye!

Will all the map makers of the realm gather round.  Sheath your quills, we will not have another ink fight like last time.

+Dyson Logos please refrain from crosshatching +Simon Forster's forehead.  And that Jackson fellow, +matt jackson drawing contour lines on the Most Wanted posters while amusing it is illegal.
 

Where was I?  To all maps makers out there, if you would, please share you most favoritous map.  It may be difficult, but chose only one and show the world.

+MonkeyBlood Design you can stop drawing fill in dirt in the dirt.  It's dirt. 

Please pass this along and see if we can get back to yapping about the important things in gaming and in life.  Fluffy trees or bare trees.  Contour lines or boobie hills.  Filled in squares or detailed roofs. 

+Michael Prescott, yes, that does look like its a 3D map of a horse and yes it is ironic you drew it on a horse.

If you think you suck at maps, share one anyway.  The only way you can suck is if you don't share.

The GM Games Warehouse is Restocked

After massive demands fell upon the GM staff, we worked hard through out the past week to create more Manors.  Hands ached, fingers bled and eyes blurred with exhaustion.  Once we completed the long hours of construction it was discovered the GM Games warehouse could no longer hold the contents.  We sat around pondering the problem.  Oh, what to do?  Day turned into night, night into day and it was then that a voice from the back row of staff members said in a quiet, almost embarrassed voice, "What if we stood the zines on end?"  It was as if a chorus angels of sang.  So for the next 12-hours they worked to rearrange the GM Game warehouse.  In the end, even exhausted, they smiled because they knew this was good.  And it was good.

I Got Zombie Signs!

I went to the Halloween store with the wife.  She pushed buttons and then ran away in case the display jumped at her.  Displays were very cool and expensive.  Near the back I found these two zombie signs.  Metal signs.  I've been digging the tins lately and I think these will look nicely on my wall.  We met a couple inside the store and they asked where we got them.  I told them where they were, but that we had gotten the last one of the Zombie Research Facility.  The girl said "That's the one I want." 

Not today woman.  It's my zombie sign.

Rearranging my Gaming Shelves

With the influx of gaming goodness that has been coming in lately I have to rethink my shelves. This is something I always dread doing.  Because I always want to redo the shelves in a different way, but then I end up putting back together the way they were in the first place.

This is only a simulation of what the actually event would look like if I did not keep my gaming books organized.

Normally I keep my books separated by system.  AD&D here, GURPS over there, Swords & Wizardry can fit in there and Blood & Treasure will do well there.  Now that I have so many different systems that its become more difficult to do it this way.

Last time I rearranged my gaming shelf I tried a different way.  I went with core rule books on a shelf.  A shelf for all my monster manuals.  Another for adventure modules, a section for developing adventures and a miscellaneous section.  I need a section for box sets.  Zines, of course.  And binders for gaming stuff for campaigns.  That's a lot to ask of some shelves. 

Plus, I need space for all the paper supplies for zines and adventures.

No easy task.  I believe I'm returning to my system based organization.  I need to figure out the space and who will go where in the hierarchy of systems on my shelf.

And I hate to admit it, but it may be time to purge some of my gaming stuff that I don't use or never plan to use.  Gah!

Making Gaming Stuff

I've been messing around with developing an adventure using the Exoterrorists, GUMSHOE system.  Think X-Files if it had been on HBO (Maybe True Detective would fill the bill, but I've only seen one very good episode so I can't say).

So I thought I would make up fake, shadow government type documents.  The players would be working for Aegis.  I thought it fit the theme I was going for well.  But I could just have official government documents with Aegis on the header.  No, no, I have to come up with an official seal.

Don't Google official seal because I got a bunch of pictures of people killing baby seals.  Pisses me off just looking at it.  I want to hit those people with a big pole.  And there it is, I'm distracted from what I was doing.

As you can see, I made a seal up.  I was going to put more details in, but I'm happy with the outcome right now.  Plus my ability to fiddle with it will only make it worse.  Now I have a seal to put on the top of official government papers when I send them to my players.  See how I managed to avoid writing the adventure.  Not my first time.

Now go back to your porn.

My Dark Lord Starter Kit Arrived

I was eating lunch the other day and this guy decided to hang out.  Apparently my Dark Lord Starter Kit arrived.  You get a random animal familiar, mine was a black bird.  And in following weeks I will receive a reusable curse, a black cloak and a how-to evil laugh step-by-step instruction.  And I can cancel at any time.

Ever Hear Sean Connery do a Dirty Popeye Imitation?

Me either, until tonight that is.  So what does it mean when five guys get together and tell in appropriate jokes?  It must be game night!

After a shitty day at work there is nothing better than fake killing stuff.  It was +Chris C.'s turn to run his gaming world of Ephemera.  +Rob Conley, +Ken H and I all play magic-users and +Daniel McEntee plays a perverted dwarven fighter...okay he's not the only pervert.  Ken is horrible also.

We were exploring an ice temple cave complex to save a boy from a nasty fate.  What we kinda forgot is we'd saved him last session (which was January 6th).  He was terrified outside waiting by the boat as we got greedy and went in again for more loot.

It took us a few minutes to realize we were a group of mages with no spells, wandering around.  The dwarf wanted to try one more door and he opened it up before completing the question.  We found the library.  Found a old script from an old prophecy and a gem that was linked to the prophecy.

So we leave with the young boy and head back to his village.  However, he said the leader of the village was trying to capture him and give him to a dirty dwarf.  Not our dirty dwarf, but another one we did not know.  We confronted Brill, the leader, and after a well place Charm Person, he fell to his knees and admitted he was a coward.  That a minotaur had captured him, but Brill traded the lives of his other villagers in trade for his own life.  The first victim was Old Man Holt.  His bloody scarf was hidden in Brill's possessions.

We waited for Lona, she seemed the most competent of the villagers, and informed her of what occurred.  She was rightfully pissed and drug Brill in front of the other villagers and heard both sides argued of whether to spare him or to execute him.  I was on the side of sparing him.  I argued it brilliantly.  Ken argued for execution.  Chris rolled the dice and Brill was executed on the spot.

We then went hunting for the minotaur and his two dwarven companions.  Without a spell I was useless.  But the other two mages had spells at the ready.  We tracked them with the help of Lona and a handful of villagers armed with bows joined us.  But the highlight of the evening was short, as Egbert the Tumor cast sleep and all fell into a slumber...one dwarf fell into the fire.  And then we killed them all.

And so ended our third adventure in Ephemera.  The young boy free, the village with a strong leader and the minotaur dead.

So what are we planning to do next week?  That's right!

Getting Edits from the Wife is Never Boring

I'm finishing up my first go round with edits from Whisk, aka the Wife.  And I thought I would share a few of the comments from the pages.  Most are harmless.

Cool Beans

Yuck

Good Name

The there are others that are a bit more distracting.

Butt brothers?  That would explain why Buzzard hasn't nailed Chola.

A little farther down the page.

Ah.  So she might get nailed yet.

People who only know the Mad About You show will get the next one.

Bounce?  Why do you gotta say bounce?

Then she has notes on a separate sheet of paper.

This part could be better.  Rewrite.  Make it less crappy.

Regina get mentioned as being part of a guild, but before we learned she is a server.  Wait.  Now I'm confused.  See me in person for this one, preferably without pants.

 Yup.  All in red pen.  I think I could sell this version for more than the clean version.

Frink'n Santas on My Blog

I'm at work and eating mash potatoes.  I click on my blog to check out what everyone is writing and a see a Santa fall.  Then another.  Frick'n Santas all over my blog. 

IVY!

Zombie Football Sunday

Oh yeah.  Football season is here.  And I got a zombie.

Does Your Woman Eat All the Chocolate Before You Get Home from Work?

This post is in response to Whisk's post, Does Your Man Garbage Pick?  A little clarification.  It was a paper recycling bin.  No rotten bananas, coffee grounds or ROUSs.  Just paper.  Plus she gets excited when I bring them home so why not.

Yesterday I come home, bearing coupon flies I might add, and I thought it would be nice to have a piece of chocolate.  Ivy bought four Dove bars the other day and I had a piece and it was pretty good.  So I said, "I think I'll have a piece of chocolate."

Whisk gets this guilty look.  She tries not to smile, but she usually breaks in a matter of seconds.  "There's none left."

"What?"

"I ate them."

"You ate ate all four bars today?"

"No. Only two."

"What happened to the other two?"

"I ate them yesterday.  You didn't notice."

"You ate all four of them?"

"I was sitting at my computer decorating my blog for Halloween."

I frowned, "That's it, I'm doing a post."

Not So Serious Answers to Random Wizard's 20 Questions

 I said not serious.  I can't guarantee funny. 

Ability scores generation method?
I prefer the rhythm method. 

How are death and dying handled?
You bury them or if the monsters eat them you'll have to wait until they're pooped out.

What about raising the dead?
Sure, but they often start arguing in their teens and they smell all the time.  If the players want to take the time to raise dead then its their responsibility.

How are replacement PCs handled?

They're usually assigned the pooped scooper duty waiting for the other PC to be crapped out.

Initiative: individual, group, or something else?

I encourage it.

Are there critical hits and fumbles? How do they work?
Yes there are both and the critical hits work well for the players and the critical misses make me laugh.

Do I get any benefits for wearing a helmet?
Yes, you don't have to comb your hair in the morning.

Can I hurt my friends if I fire into melee or do something similarly silly?
Absolutely.  I encourage taunting and teasing.

Will we need to run from some encounters, or will we be able to kill everything?
Yes.  I'll let you decide which is the affirmative.

Level-draining monsters: yes or no?
Yes, but only when you don't buy me something pretty.

Are there going to be cases where a failed save results in PC death?
That's the only kind I have.

How strictly are encumbrance & resources tracked?
What are those?

What's required when my PC gains a level? Training? Do I get new spells automatically? Can it happen in the middle of an adventure, or do I have to wait for down time?
You are required to have an erasure or a ability to cross off the level number and write in the new one.  Spells are gained through a series of trivia question that must be answered correctly or you are consider unintelligent and not worth the spell.

What do I get experience for?
You get experience for killing, looting, finding traps and brushing your teeth and knowing how to make a nice iced caramel latte. 

How are traps located? Description, dice rolling, or some combination?
GPS

Are retainers encouraged and how does morale work?
Yes, I will have no crooked teeth in my game.  Morale doesn't work.  He's been sponging off of unemployment even since he got fired for playing too much WoW.

How do I identify magic items?
They glow.

Can I buy magic items? Oh, come on: how about just potions?
Yes.  Cause I'm sure they work fine if someone wanted to get rid of one.  Perfectly safe I am sure.  Go on.  Try it.

Can I create magic items? When and how?
Sure anytime you want and I'll let you know how.

What about splitting the party?
Right down the middle.  I often encourage it when I GM.  See the pooping thing. 

And now that I've completed this I see this was the wrong set of questions.  Well, there you go.

Game Soundtrack, Sidekicks and Equipment

Before you get too far in this post I warn it may not be appropriate for everyone.  Turn back now if you are offended by women, guns or God.  You have been warned. 

 

Trey over at From the Sorcerer's Skull provides us with a soundtrack for Jack Shear's new game setting, Planet Motherf*cker.  Like that * does anything.  Here's my selection of tunes that  would be pumping out of my 1965 Plymouth Barracuda 8-track player.

Rebel Rouser by Duane Eddy

Surfin Bird by the Trashman

Bupa Bupa MMM Maw Maw

Jan & Dean's Dead Man's Curve

Bobby Gentry's Ode to Billie Joe

The Animal's House of the Rising Sun

Motorhead's Jack the Ripper

As you can see I'm on a more classic vibe.  Now that I have my soundtrack picked out, its time to find some needed equipment and companions for my road trip.

Now that I've got the equipment and the right sidekicks, now we just need a little religion.  We are right because we our righteous and with God on our side we are invincible.

Amen sisters and pass the ammunition!

Top Secret Information Revealed...Look If You Dare!

After an exhaustive search that took me across 32 countries and cost several lives I've discovered the secrets of RPGNow.  Read no further if you value your life.  Think of your family, friends and pets.  All of them could be in peril should you choose to take a bite of this forbidden fruit.  I plundered the deepest vaults of the RPGNow dungeons and found it.  I found the secret of the medal count.

• Copper: 51-100
• Silver: 101-250
• Electrum: 251-500
• Gold: 501-1000
• Platinum: 1001+ 

 The ghosts have escaped the ark and will now consume the evil.  Capone's tunnels have been opened and...well, that one didn't go so well. 

Random Middle of Work Question Cause I'm Tired of Doing Paperwork

Quick, if you were a monster what would it be and why?

 I know its not original or that interesting, but its all I got.  The one I like the best I'll send a mini manor for your trouble.

Shh, time to get back to paperwork.

Papa's Got a New Dice Chest

Went to Hobby Lobby today to get more cardstock.  Found out all the cardstock was 50% off so ended up emptying the shelf of the kind I wanted.  But I also found something very cool, a new chest for my dice.  Ivy bought it for our tenth anniversary.  Yep, bona fide dorks.

It's a lot bigger than my old one and I think it looks fantastic.

A side view of the handles.

Inside it has a wine colored lining.

This is comparison of my old dice chest to the new one.  I'll show you why I needed to upgrade.

I got no room to grow.  My new dice are ready to fall out and I can't even get my dice boxes inside.

This is what the dice look like in my new chest, including the dice containers.  As you can see, PLENTY of room for NEW dice.  Sorry ahead of time Ivy.  You can see the coins in there to.  I use the one dollar coins as gold pieces and I have Jersey Turnpike tokens I use for silver.  Half dollars sometimes for silver.  I use them for effect during a game.  In the containers there are the blue dice I got from Frog God Games Kickstarter.  They are Tardis blue and come in a great little container.  The wife's frosted pink dice and then some swirly green dice I bought last St. Patrick's Day.  Sorta become an unoffical holiday thing I do, get new dice on St. Patrick's Day. I'm also planning on storing my dicebags inside.

Is my new dice chest cool or not?

Oh one more thing.  The wife scored pretty good tonight too.  And she wants me to tell you that the cashier paid her eighty-one cents to take all this girly crap out of the store.  Now it's in my box.  I don't like that very much.  Well, maybe the chocolate can stay.

New Dice

I traded Noble Knight Games some Manors for some store credit and I went shopping.  I felt like getting some dice.  Once in a while I just get the urge to splurge on dice.  From left to right:

1. Monster Dice from Flying Buffalo Games.  I've seen these guys many times.  I decided it was time I get a set.  It has a die for easy monster, one for harder monsters and then a third for the tough monsters.  Then there is a die color coded to correspond with what level of monster die you roll.  And the last die has faces on it to determine the reaction of the monsters. 
2. Orc dice.  They got orcs on them instead of ones.
3. Friend or Foe dice.  Its got a large warning in the bag that I may choke on these dice.  I'm afraid to take them out of the bag.  If they land on foe do they choke you out?
4. And the last die is a pewter d100.  Metal dice.  Gotta love the way they crack those stupid glass tables and dent the wooden ones.  And if all else fails they work wickedly well in a slingshot.  

So that's it.  Time to work on the manor....or avoid all work and get killed on Black Ops 2.  And to answer Tom's question the other day.  Yes, may exuberance while playing is often laced with colorful words that I have learned to string together in long streams that I've inherited from a Irish heritage.