Sunday, January 11, 2015

I, Minister

If you want more accurate accounts that occurred during our Friday night game I advise you to head over to +Douglas Cole's room and read his Three Invade the Mad Overlord or +Peter V. Dell'Orto's post Southern Reaches: Session 10 - Castle of the Mad Archmage 7 - Three Sought Adventure.  Peter's actual post is shorter than the title.  I claim that none of the events that I write are accurate or even happened.  I am the unreliable narrator that those college English courses speak of.  I, Minister, a faithful of Unosum, God of Quantum 1s, this is my version of the same story. 

We started on the surface.  Cuts and boo boos healed.  Seemed to have enough liquid band-aids that we passed on any more purchases.  Then after a short discussion about returning to the arena level we decided not to.  I pointed out we had already hit the sweet spot in the arena when we broke into the treasury.  And since there was one less than four submerging into the madman's sewage pit, we decided to explore a level we had some familiarity.

Our tactics are simple, we break down doors, kill the inhabitants and take their stuff.  Unosum does not bother with the morality of a situation, he requires fortune to glorify his name and that 1s are not to be scorned, but to be embraced.  If'th thou never'th throw'th a 1'th, then the joy'th of success'th would forever'th be dimished'th.  - so say'th Unosum, God of Quantum 1s and Lord of Rock Bottom.


Our first offering was a batch of squatty little dwarves.  They consider themselves savage and evil, but they were mere cows awaiting to be slaughtered.  As if they lived their entire lives for that moment when we opened the door.  Some were killed with shocked looks on their face, some died as they slept and a lucky few died in battle.  Their deaths equaled a sum of gems and coin.  The entire value of their lives in a pouch.

Unosum has a harsh sense of humor.  He finds laughter at the sight of his faithful struggles with unseen events.  I served my lord well this time when a tick the size of my head landed on my back and burrowed in.  My vicious, and eager to kill comrades were kind enough to remove the tick after providing some humor to their day.

We've searched this dungeon for many hours and our attention to detail served us once again, the discovery of a secret door led to the discovery of a large chest.  As Rul pulled the chest out of the room we were set upon by a grotesque giant.  It's visage I hope to never see again.

I remember from a previous adventure we'd gained possession of a 2' copper disc with runes inscribed into the metal.  It possessed a single charge of a lightning bolt.  I unleashed the bolt at the giant and silenced its amused laughter.  Mirado finished of the pathetic creature by cleaving into its neck.  It had the decency to die quietly.

The chest was full of silver.  Surely a sign from Unosum that he is pleased with our progress.

And then something strange happened.  We ran into a creature that we did not kill.  A succubus, I assumed, dressed as a healer of some sort.  For a moments we discussed seeing her or some one like her, in Tomes of the Ancient Grognards.  We were pleased to see her, but saw no benefit from killing her.

It was then we encountered a most vile creature of many heads.  The Ompah Band!  Again, Unosum found my service entertaining and saw fit that I be struck in the head with a lyre.  Rul destroyed the band with a single swing.  I humbily said a pray to Unosum for the privilege of making him laugh.

We finished our night of exploration with a battle with ghouls.  Unosum is with in this battle making sure all damage I do are 1s.  He is kind to be with me in battle.  The undead creatures are quickly dispatched by my the Blue Beaten Mirado and he who Knocks Wood, Rul.