Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter Bunny Convict Tale

This story is completely true.  Except for the parts I made up.

Several years ago some where in the late 80s I was strolling through our local mall.  It was a week or so before Easter and the mall had a place where kids could sit on the Easter Bunny's lap.  Not sure why you would want to do this, but maybe they could give the bunny tips on what to put in the basket.  Anyway, it was a slow time and I walked by where the Easter Bunny was sitting and I heard.

"Hey Tim.  How's it going?"

I looked around and it's just me and the bunny.  It was a guy' voice.  One that smoked a lot.  I was completely baffled that the bunny knew my name.  "Good, I guess."

"It's me, Bob."

I have no idea why, but that was enough and knew it was a guy I knew from school.  "Wow, nice pink suit."

"Yeah, I had to get a job.  My probation officer said take the job or sit in the cell."

"You might want to reconsider your decision."

"Tell me about it."  He said and itched under his giant pink bunny head.  "It's so fucking hot in this thing."

"Take it off and take a breather."

Bob shook his bunny head.  "Can't.  Freaks out the kids."

I can't remember what happened after, but it doesn't really matter.  How many times have you met an Easter Bunny that knew your name, had a smoker's cough, swore and was on probation.  I love the holidays.

Now that Easter is over the bunny can get back to what it does best.


  1. "Can't. Freaks out the kids."

    So true. I had a brief stint as Trusty the Goldfish and had to entertain a pod of mauling kids. During break, I sneaked off and removed my fish head for a smoke. Some kid saw me and went EFFIN' BANANAS.

    Let me lay this down, kid. You're six and all, but you gotta know that a 6' tall, bipedal, talking goldfish with Muppet hide for scales is not for real.

  2. I was Smokey Bear when I was a park ranger, and we had very strict rules about changing in and out of the costume out of view of the public.

    Good Lord that suit was hot.

  3. I have a friend who used to intern for the Philadelphia Eagles and would occasionally be asked to fill in the shoes (talons?) of their mascot "Swoop" during parties and on the rare occasion - games.

    I used to volunteer as Santa for a local museum. I was young, but have the figure and bushy beard which I would just bleach white.

    During a discussion we both discovered a similar problem. We both had issues with middle aged moms getting more than a little flirty.

    Honestly, who has the nerve to cop a feel on a stranger in a costume? The answer: about 10-15% of moms do.