Wednesday, April 9, 2014

I Know This Isn't True at All, but it's the Entertainment that's Important

Session #4 of Ephemera by the illustrious, the incredible and the well deodorized +Chris C. from The Clash of Spear on Shield.  Hold your applause, I'm going to tell you a story about my character, Connor, a simple, but brilliant mage, how he matched wits with the devious and deadly Chris the Krazy Killer GM.

The game opens up moments after the final scene from last session.  The body of the dispatched village leader at our feet, the new leader, a fine outdoors woman named Lona, wiping the blood from her blade.  There was a new sheriff in town.  The hobbled, one-legged boy was now safe and sound.

Or we were north of the village and standing over a little minotaur body who had a restaurant named Ellison's.  But we won't waste time on the whereabouts of Connor because wherever he was, he was looking good.

But with the viscous ice demon defeated what is a party of one brilliant mage and two barely above plant life mages to do?  We did what all good mages do...we went on a road trip.

We headed for the Village of Tarn.  There we met a panicked you man who was putting "elbow to knee" as the French say.  +Ken H mage, I believe his name is Darius, or Darin, or Darla, charmed the young boy in mid stride.  From the young boy we learned information about horrible king with many dark dwarves, taking children to an unknown destination, but only the dwarves returned.

We can't have that.

Our council of mages considered a plan of action.  Half-baked ideas flew around the campfire like bake goods at a fair for the blind.  I allows my fellow mages to exhaust their verbal diarrhea so I could allow them to hear my plan.  Of course when they heard it they immediately agreed I was beyond their scope of tactical genius.  I nodded humbly and told them they should stand.  Their kneeling was getting embarassing.

Across the river we went.  And no, I did not walk on the water.  I slugged through the chilly water just like the rest.  We then found a hiding place and waited for the dwarves to leave the village with the children and to follow them.  We wanted to discover where they were taking them.

We followed for a couple days before the weather turned bad.  We set upon the bumbling dark dwarves.  +Rob Conley man, Egbert, put them to sleep.  And then he cast a real spell.  ha ha ha, that joke always gets me.  We then woke one up and Darla charmed him.  We plied the midget with questions and he willingly showed up where he was taking them.

I know its not a dwarf, but it's the sleeping that's important.

We came upon a temple.  A ziggurat to the uninitiated.  We ended and while my fellow party members bumbled in the dark, I walked over to the mural of the sunrise on the wall and shook my head.  These people have evolved very little since they were sperm.  After I pushed the sunrise the lights came on in the temple for all to see.  I said, "Please, please stand.  This kneeling and thanking me is getting quite embarrassing." 

I know they aren't mages, but it's the kneeling that's important.
We then went into a cloak room.  I knew there was something to be found in this room.  I explored the cloaks and was beset upon by the most vicious bathrobe ever to exist.  An abomination if ever I have seen one.  While it flapped at me.  I stood my ground to make sure my fellow party member were safe.  This demonic robe was relentless.  After a titanic battle the fell robe...well, it fell.

We searched the next room and a horde of skeletons swarmed after us.  Darla slammed the door shut and Egbert commanded his minions to spike it close.  And so it was.

I know this isn't a door, but it's the spikes that are important.
We then encountered another room with skeletons.  A room full of supplies.  Egbert had his man grab a table to use as a wall, I suppose.  Since the table measured smaller than the shield his man carried it did very little in the way of blocking anything...except our progress.  While I applaud his attempt, there is a time and place for those who should be seen and not heard...to not be heard.  I commanded the minions to topple the stored crates and barrels atop the brittle boned skeletons.  This was more than enough to return them to death.

We then explored farther.  We found some interesting rooms that I cannot remember.  We returned to the skeleton room that was spiked and quickly dispatched them also.  And that is where our session ended for the evening.