Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Death of a King, Coffin in the Kitchen, and I Don't Know My Right from My West

We waited.  We waited because Egbert thought it would be a good idea for the minotaur king to get dressed in his battle armor before we knelt before him to swear fealty.  Since we had plans of killing the vile king who sent children to their death, him getting his battle armor and weapons only seemed fair. 

Egbert is not the brightest of strategists. 

We came up with alternate plans.  Maybe swear fealty, but keep our fingers crossed so it doesn't count.  Maybe barricade him in a tiny keep that has nearly no walls left and burn it down around him. 

These are the smart people talking.

The villagers chastised us for basically being wussies.  They had armed themselves and waited for the chance to kill the minotaur king.  So we waited.  Then we watched.  The minotaur king was overwhelmed as the entire village fell upon him.  Only Chuck, a peg-legged peckerwood took an axe to the head. 

Much rejoicing was followed.  We looted the king and keep.  Treasure we did find.  I nearly died.  We then saw the shrine that was defiled.  We gave back treasure that was decorated with flowers.  Made the shrine nice again. 

Apparently we are better interior decorators than tacticians.

We need to find the sage called Cosmo.  We find out he's to the west, south west.  No, I meant the other west.  I don't know my right from my west. But we have food and it's not raining.

We encounter a cabin with a coffin.  She kept saying it was nothing.  I just use it for extra toilet paper and socks.  I didn't buy it.  But she did show us an obelisk.  We read the words.  The words made a little sense which was good.  We stayed the night.  I slept with one eye open.  I don't trust a woman with a coffin in her kitchen.

Ten days march.  We encounter very little except screeching from the hills. 

We come upon a big tower, with a big thorny hedge around it with COSMO'S TOWER cut into the lawn out front.  After a short deliberation of if this was indeed Cosmo's Tower we approached and had a conversation with a floating mouth.  Then a floating hand.  We enter.

Inside we speak with Cosmo.  He has information and he has a prices.  He also had a menu printed.  What information he could tell us and what he wanted for the information.  Very forward thinking.  We need to collect green slime, yellow mold, centipede venom, webs of a giant spider or the testicles of an owlbear. 

We chose the centipede.  Cosmo knew where to find some.  There we went.  Into the forest of big ass trees.  I mean big ass.  Like big.  Ass.  We went into one and found some weird vegetation.  Threw a torch at it and the vegetation moved away.  We all lit torches.

Then the GM stopped the damn game.  Wanted to pick up here next week.  I say we play until then!

If its good enough for JC then it's good enough for me.  Right back at'cha my man.


  1. Sounds like a great session.

  2. 200 xp bonus for Conner!

    Fun write-up Tim. You crack me up. :)

    1. Isn't he funny. I like how he added the nutsack. Cracks me up. Although, I don't even wanna know how he found the picture.

    2. I just hope it wasn't a selfie.

    3. I kid you not. I almost spit coffee on my screen.

  3. It was pointed out to me recently that JC was not an advocate of fishing instruction.