Not So Serious Answers to Random Wizard's 20 Questions

 I said not serious.  I can't guarantee funny. 

Ability scores generation method?
I prefer the rhythm method. 

How are death and dying handled?
You bury them or if the monsters eat them you'll have to wait until they're pooped out.

What about raising the dead?
Sure, but they often start arguing in their teens and they smell all the time.  If the players want to take the time to raise dead then its their responsibility.

How are replacement PCs handled?

They're usually assigned the pooped scooper duty waiting for the other PC to be crapped out.

Initiative: individual, group, or something else?

I encourage it.

Are there critical hits and fumbles? How do they work?
Yes there are both and the critical hits work well for the players and the critical misses make me laugh.

Do I get any benefits for wearing a helmet?
Yes, you don't have to comb your hair in the morning.

Can I hurt my friends if I fire into melee or do something similarly silly?
Absolutely.  I encourage taunting and teasing.

Will we need to run from some encounters, or will we be able to kill everything?
Yes.  I'll let you decide which is the affirmative.

Level-draining monsters: yes or no?
Yes, but only when you don't buy me something pretty.

Are there going to be cases where a failed save results in PC death?
That's the only kind I have.

How strictly are encumbrance & resources tracked?
What are those?

What's required when my PC gains a level? Training? Do I get new spells automatically? Can it happen in the middle of an adventure, or do I have to wait for down time?
You are required to have an erasure or a ability to cross off the level number and write in the new one.  Spells are gained through a series of trivia question that must be answered correctly or you are consider unintelligent and not worth the spell.

What do I get experience for?
You get experience for killing, looting, finding traps and brushing your teeth and knowing how to make a nice iced caramel latte. 

How are traps located? Description, dice rolling, or some combination?
GPS

Are retainers encouraged and how does morale work?
Yes, I will have no crooked teeth in my game.  Morale doesn't work.  He's been sponging off of unemployment even since he got fired for playing too much WoW.

How do I identify magic items?
They glow.

Can I buy magic items? Oh, come on: how about just potions?
Yes.  Cause I'm sure they work fine if someone wanted to get rid of one.  Perfectly safe I am sure.  Go on.  Try it.

Can I create magic items? When and how?
Sure anytime you want and I'll let you know how.

What about splitting the party?
Right down the middle.  I often encourage it when I GM.  See the pooping thing. 

And now that I've completed this I see this was the wrong set of questions.  Well, there you go.